I ran twice last week. For a whopping total of 9 miles. If you can even call what I do now “running.”
I used to do more than that in a single run. Regularly.
But it’s a start.
Tonight, I went to the gym at work and engaged in mild weight training. I have woefully neglected my resistance training, in the interest of prioritizing running. I am going to be vividly sore tomorrow. And probably all week.
I was going to run over the weekend, but instead of wave of nausea tricked me into a two hour nap so deep I woke up drooling on myself with my arm having fallen asleep. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself and just make progress where I can.
I vomited regularly for 2.5 months. In that time, I still ran my first half marathon. It is ok to compromise with the baby. As long as I don’t stop. As long as I don’t give up.
It’s watching all my work and training dissolve that upsets me at my core. I want to tell myself that it will all come back after the baby, that I can get back to it. But I don’t know that it will. I started running after I was pregnant last time. And I don’t want to do all the hard work again. I was ready for it to become easier.
Not that it ever did.
This will probably just light the same fire under my ass that started all this.
And like it or not, this baby will be a runner. My next race is Saturday. I’m going to try to ignore my time, but I’m going to run it. And many others before we hit the due date. My daughter was my dancing baby, performing in the womb until I was 9 months pregnant; this baby will be my running baby. Whether s/he wants it or not.
I just want to get to 10-15 miles a week. Do prenatal yoga and light weights each week. Nothing crazy, a definite drop from my normal but still very active. If the puking has in fact subsided (I will not be going off the medication to find out; I learned from that fucking mistake), I should be able to step it back up to moderate. I lived on the elliptical my second trimester last time.
Baby steps. Small victories. And shutting that judgmental bitch inside my head up just a little bit.