August

How is it September already? I feel like I blinked and August simply disappeared. Summer was so busy this year that it was accomplished at a dead sprint, metaphorically speaking (we all know I am worthless for literal fast running).

The summer heat and continued weight plateau kept my running pretty mundane. I laid down around 50 miles for the month, which seems to be my going average (greatly reduced from the 100+ a month before my last pregnancy). There were some good runs in there, and it was not an entirely useless month.

I was undone by illness at the end and am continuing to recover. Hopefully, next week will find me moving toward recovery and beginning fall level running.

Today is my last day of breastfeeding though. My son just turned one today. It might seem ridiculous that I am taking the one year of breastfeeding recommendation practically down to the hour, but my son has been quite unpleasant to nurse, so I have been counting down to this marker for some time now. I don’t know that I think this will finally lift my body’s weight loss embargo; I have kind of lost hope in that arena. But if nothing else, maybe my body will start to feel like mine once more.

Once I’m no longer sick, of course. Racing and real running resumes in September.

 

Christina Bergling

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Savages

Two survivors search the ruins of America for the last strain of humanity. Marcus believes they are still human; Parker knows her own darkness. Until one discovery changes everything.

Available now on Amazon!
savagesnovella.com

The Waning

Beatrix woke up in a cage. Can she survive long enough to escape, or will he succeed at breaking her down into a possession?

Available now on Amazon!
thewaning.com

July

July. Oh, July.

Even more than June, July served to completely derail my running. Even with the impending half marathon (which did not actually come to pass), I could not pull my training together. I managed to rack up an average amount for monthly miles, but that was only with 13 mile practice runs.

The heat has been a huge factor. Either it is affecting me more at my current weight and while full of milk or I just refuse to power through and deal with it anymore. This summer has not even been as hot as the previous two spent back in Colorado (and not even remotely close to those run in Tennessee), yet it still just beats me down and sucks the motivation from my bones.

Time and child care have been another influence. With my day job (and my husband no longer working from home beside me) plus my night job as a fledgling published author plus all the activities of the children and all the plans of the family, the schedule is booked. Then since I am alone with my son all day, I can no longer take a break and pop out for a run during his nap. My runs have to be when I can convince my husband or parents to briefly liberate me from my motherhood. It is just not as easy as finding the motivation and lacing up my shoes.

All of this drives me into an air conditioned gym with a child care facility. I can go whenever works for me, and it is not hot, and someone will watch my child. So, as in June, I zumba-ed. A lot. One might say as obsessively as I once ran.

Zumba is a compensation addiction. I miss the belly dancing I did while living in Tennessee, and more than that, I miss the women I danced with. Zumba, though very much not the same as that dancing, evokes a nostalgia for it. The memories in the reminiscent muscle movements draws up some of the joy I experienced there and with them, some of the freedom I felt in that expression. It is a sad excuse for a replacement, but I will take the taste I can get.

So I am straddling dueling addictions with not even enough time to commit to one. In June and July, I failed. In August, I hope to get back on track. The replacement half marathon is happening in September; then running season kicks off strong in October.

I also said to hell with the scale and measurements and tracking. It was pointless because nothing changed and infuriating because nothing changed. It was beginning to drive me crazy, and that crazy beckons my eating disorder back up. I was watching myself start to wander down the road leading into those thoughts and behaviors, and I bailed. I have joined another 90 day challenge at the gym, so I will weigh in there and hopefully see progress after I wean my son next month.

August has no run, so until September, it is just keep running. Just keep running.

Christina Bergling

christinabergling.com
facebook.com/chrstnabergling
@ChrstnaBergling
chrstnaberglingfierypen.wordpress.com
pinterest.com/chrstnabergling

Savages

Two survivors search the ruins of America for the last strain of humanity. Marcus believes they are still human; Parker knows her own darkness. Until one discovery changes everything.

Available now on Amazon!
savagesnovella.com

The Waning

Beatrix woke up in a cage. Can she survive long enough to escape, or will he succeed at breaking her down into a possession?

Available now on Amazon!
thewaning.com

June Stats

Ugh. I am regretting these monthly stat posts. It’s not motivating to see the same lack of progress every month. Stupid breastfeeding (2 months left).

June was not a great month for running. The summer heat finally started, and I ran into my summer wall, both physically and mentally. I found myself fleeing to the gym for classes rather than braving the trail in the sun. For example, I took 10 zumba classes (my new obsession) in June but only ran 7 times.

I know I always hate summer running; I know my performance always tanks in the heat. I just have to keep powering through, not paying attention to the stats, and wait for the avalanche of progress in the fall. The weather change combined with the conclusion of my breastfeeding should, hopefully, result in some real changes. Finally.

On the last day of June, we did complete our 13 mile half marathon practice run. My running mate ended up having a rough run of overheating and cramping. We took a few brief breaks, and I had to force her to walk the end, but all in all, it went relatively well. I think we are prepared for the race in two weeks.

I always thought to myself that being able to run a half again would mean I was recovered from my pregnancy and back to normal. Now normal is different though. I think I will still count it as valuable milestone, but I have stopped striving to get back. Instead, I want to get to a new place of fitness that fits my new life. I have body fat to shred, minutes to shave off times, and strength to build.

Total miles: 55
Longest distance: 13 miles
Best times: 6.5 miles in 1:27, 8 miles in 1:55, 13 miles in 3:04

Total weight loss: 27 pounds
Weight loss in June: 3 pounds, 2% body fat

May Stats

Running and zumba and yoga and barre, oh my! May was an active month.

I began by continuing to torture myself and falling as easy prey to my eating disorder. Yet I caught myself on the downward spiral. I finally recognized my bullshit and was able to talk myself down, coax myself back to some semblance of sanity and zen.

So I have let go. I have let myself have rest days again. I have let myself eat again. I have let myself not care so damn much again. And it has been liberating.

Once I let go (and also let myself recover and also fed myself), my running improved. I successfully completed the 11 mile, and it felt great. At the end, I actually felt like I could keep going. Perhaps it was the weight of my pressure and expectations in my limbs the previous time.

While scale continues to not favor me, the tape measure has been a bit more friendly. So there has been progress, even against the breastfeeding weight cling-on. I will take being happy and flawed over obsessive and still not perfect.

 

Total miles: 52
Total miles run outside: 52
Longest distance: 11 miles
Best times: 6.7 miles in 1:24, 11 miles in 2:25

Total weight loss: 25 pounds
Weight loss in May: 1 pounds

Total inch loss: 5″- 5″- 4″
Inch loss in May: 0″- 1″- 0″

April Stats

I don’t really want to talk about how April went. I am so over this post partum recovery process I could puke. If I didn’t have puking PTSD from my last pregnancy. April was the first month I not only plateaued but moved in the wrong direction.

I don’t even really know what to say I’m so sick of thinking about it.

I went to my doctor. She confirmed that, even 6 months later, my thyroid levels are still low after having my son. She upped my dosage a little. So far, that is not resolving the issue at all. She did tell me that most likely my body will retain the last 10-15 pounds I have to lose until after I stop breastfeeding. No matter how I work.

I also completed the 90 Day challenge at the gym. After three months, I lost all of 1 pound and 3% body fat. So all that work for pretty much absolutely nothing. Each weigh in was just frustrating and embarrassing.

So since I can’t really do anything, I will continue to eat clean and healthy; I will continue to workout manically. I will return to 10 miles and hopefully my normal pace. I will just have to wait to find my body again. If it ever does return.

After puking for almost 10 months, three failed epidurals, pitocin-fueled back labor, carpal tunnel, sciatica, a displaced rib, I just want my body to feel like myself again. I want to live in my temple rather than this vandalized version. I don’t need to be skinny; I just need to feel like me again. After pregnancy and nursing and belonging to the children. I just want this for me.

All in good time. I try to remember to savor these phases as this is my last (intentional) baby.

Conversely to my anti-progress in weight loss, running inches closer and closer to prepregnancy. I finished a 5 mile in near normal time, same for my 5Ks. I just need a little bump in pace and to jump back to 10 miles, and I am there. Maybe if I do it baby weighted, I will be even better when I am myself again.

Total miles: 59
Total miles run outside: 59
Longest distance: 8 miles
Best times: 5K in 35:19, 5 miles in 58:44, 8 miles in 1:45

Total weight loss: 25 pounds
Weight gain in March: 1 pounds

Total inch loss: 5″- 5″- 4″
Inch gain in March: 0″- 1″- 0″

March Stats

Sigh.

March was another month of utter plateau. I worked, and I killed myself. I sacrificed sleep and time working or with my family. I even worked on the eating component, shifting to a high protein, lean, organic diet.

And nothing.

This is the first time in my life that I have behaved, eaten right, done the workouts, and it did not work. Usually, I earn getting or staying fat. It bends my mind to do what I am accustomed to working for nothing, to suffer for nothing. I have been so blindingly frustrated that I do not even really want to talk about it. I do not want to be just another fat girl ranting about how she can’t get the weight off.

I did ask my doctor about my issue. She is checking my thyroid, as we do every six months, so we’ll see what that says. However, I doubt that it is. She thinks it is from breastfeeding. She says a woman’s body usually holds 10-15 pounds of fat while nursing to keep producing milk. I cannot compare this experience with my last post partum because that is when I started my thyroid medication. She said if I maintain the proper diet and exercise, the weight will fall off easily after I wean. In five months.

But who knows.

I am going to just continue on, stay the course, and only shift my focus. Instead of counting pounds and inches (until my son’s birthday), I am going to focus on number of miles, pace, strength, endurance. If I can’t lose weight for five months, I will be stronger, faster, and in more shape before I get there. It is all I can do besides give up.

I feel trapped and very unsuccessful. Weighing in at the gym every Tuesday is always just a punch in the chest.

Total miles: 38
Total miles run outside: 38
Longest distance: 7.8 miles
Best times: 5K in 33:28, 7.8 miles in 1:47:25

Total weight loss: 26 pounds
Weight loss in March: 2 pounds

Total inch loss: 5″- 6″- 4″
Inch loss in March: 0″- o″- 0″

February Stats

February was a month of extremes and not much progress.

First, I stopped fucking around. I threw everything and the kitchen sink at my body. I kept running; I joined a gym and signed up for a 90-day challenge; I started P90X3; I sampled classes in Barre and at the gym; I adjusted my eating.

All of that made me fatter, so in my discouragement, I said, fuck it. We went on vacation, and I did whatever I wanted. Vacation included two races and endless walking, so no damage done thankfully.

Ultimately, my running got neglected a bit with the addition of all these other fitness attempts. In the end, I lost a couple pounds and inches but still not the amount I am looking for. I still have plenty of weight to lose, and I have not been able to find the combination to make that happen.

I guess I continue on. I am just going to try to eat right and do exercise that I enjoy plus some strength training that I don’t. Maybe one distant day I’ll feel like myself again.

Total miles: 45
Total miles run outside: 37
Longest distance: 7 miles
Best times: n/a

Total weight loss: 24 pounds
Weight loss in February: 4 pounds

Total inch loss: 5″- 6″- 4″
Inch loss in February: 1″- 2″- 1″

January Stats

January was another rocky month. My weight bounced up and down. My fitness commitment was derailed by illness, children, and author/work commitments. I was frustrated and discouraged many times. However, I leaped up to 7 mile runs, so progress has been made. No matter how slow I am running those 7 miles.

I also started P90X3 with my partner (“husband”). I hate it as I hated P90X, but I need some strength training in my routine, and I need some results. I am also willing to do something I don’t care for to support him being active. We got through one week before I was struck down with a chest cold and he started traveling.

No matter the struggles, I did lose 5 pounds, which is always my minimum goal for a month, and I did add distance to my runs. So I have to count those as success, even if I expected more.

I am putting January behind me and starting fresh with February, hoping to see more progress.

Total miles: 65
Total miles run outside: 54
Longest distance: 7 miles
Best times: 50 minutes (4 miles), 1 hour 36 minutes (7 miles)

Total weight loss: 20 pounds
Weight loss in January: 5 pounds

Total inch loss: 4″- 4″- 3″
Inch loss in November: 0″- 1″- 0″

December Stats

December was a good month for fitness. I upped to 5 miles of straight jogging. I knocked my 5K time under 40 minutes. I started flirting with 12 minute miles instead of 13. I returned to the Incline for the first time. I worked hard and made progress.

December, however, was not a good month for food. Christmas festivities manages to get the scale moving in the wrong direction; I gained back anything I lost in the month. To my core, I am just that fat girl and always continue to lapse into old, bad habits. To gain weight running and nursing is quite impressive. Or sad, whichever you prefer.

But the new year brings resolutions and starting fresh. Back to pre-baby weight. Back to pre-baby running fitness (or better). Learn to moderate sugar and food in general.

Total miles: 70
Total miles run outside: 57
Longest distance: 5 miles
Best times: 37 minutes (5K), 1 hour 5 minutes (5 miles)

Total weight loss: 15 pounds
Weight loss in December: 0 pounds

Total inch loss: 4″- 3″- 3″
Inch loss in December: 0″- 0″- 1″

November Stats

For the time being, this is going to be a weight loss blog too (hopefully only temporarily). And nothing motivates me more than ACCOUNTABILITY. So, starting now, monthly progress stats!

Total miles: 65
Total miles run outside: 43

Total weight loss: 15 pounds
Weight loss in November: 9 pounds

Total inch loss: 4″- 3″- 2″
Inch loss in November: 2″- 1″- 1″