July. Oh, July.
Even more than June, July served to completely derail my running. Even with the impending half marathon (which did not actually come to pass), I could not pull my training together. I managed to rack up an average amount for monthly miles, but that was only with 13 mile practice runs.
The heat has been a huge factor. Either it is affecting me more at my current weight and while full of milk or I just refuse to power through and deal with it anymore. This summer has not even been as hot as the previous two spent back in Colorado (and not even remotely close to those run in Tennessee), yet it still just beats me down and sucks the motivation from my bones.
Time and child care have been another influence. With my day job (and my husband no longer working from home beside me) plus my night job as a fledgling published author plus all the activities of the children and all the plans of the family, the schedule is booked. Then since I am alone with my son all day, I can no longer take a break and pop out for a run during his nap. My runs have to be when I can convince my husband or parents to briefly liberate me from my motherhood. It is just not as easy as finding the motivation and lacing up my shoes.
All of this drives me into an air conditioned gym with a child care facility. I can go whenever works for me, and it is not hot, and someone will watch my child. So, as in June, I zumba-ed. A lot. One might say as obsessively as I once ran.
Zumba is a compensation addiction. I miss the belly dancing I did while living in Tennessee, and more than that, I miss the women I danced with. Zumba, though very much not the same as that dancing, evokes a nostalgia for it. The memories in the reminiscent muscle movements draws up some of the joy I experienced there and with them, some of the freedom I felt in that expression. It is a sad excuse for a replacement, but I will take the taste I can get.
So I am straddling dueling addictions with not even enough time to commit to one. In June and July, I failed. In August, I hope to get back on track. The replacement half marathon is happening in September; then running season kicks off strong in October.
I also said to hell with the scale and measurements and tracking. It was pointless because nothing changed and infuriating because nothing changed. It was beginning to drive me crazy, and that crazy beckons my eating disorder back up. I was watching myself start to wander down the road leading into those thoughts and behaviors, and I bailed. I have joined another 90 day challenge at the gym, so I will weigh in there and hopefully see progress after I wean my son next month.
August has no run, so until September, it is just keep running. Just keep running.
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